The Road Trip of Doom
by Trio of Terror
Summary: For fans of Yu Yu Hakusho, Rurouni Kenshin, & Naruto. Fun, hilarious, random, & whacky plots occur as we & a handful of anime people go on a road trip around Europe. Where would our crazy adventures take us? Read & find out. R
1. Intro

DISCLAIMER: Rem, Kakairo, & Nanashi are the only characters that are originally made by us. The rest of the anime characters are from the creators of whichever anime they came from. So is short: THEY DON'T BELONG TO US.

School's out! And what a better way to spend the summer than a road trip around Europe? Three crazy girls, a short fussy demon, a total moron, and a freeloader together can only mean trouble. Add a random assortment of ninjas and you get what: chaos. Not even God knows what'll happen!

The Star-Bishi's of this whacked up tale are:

Zabuza - from "Naruto"

Kakashi - from "Naruto"  
Orochimaru - from "Naruto" ((Yes we like our ninjas!))

Hiei - from "Yu Yu Hakusho"

Kuwabara - from "Yu Yu Hakusho"

Yukina - from "Yu Yu Hakusho"

Sano - from "Rurouni Kenshin"

But that's not all the anime people. We'll meet more through-out the fanfiction. For instance:

Kisame - from "Naruto"

Itachi - from "Naruto"

Botan - from "Yu Yu Hakusho"

& more.

We also star ourselves (Kakairo, Rem, & Nanashi). Nanashi (Nashi for short) is a smartass blond, but don't let the hair color fool you. She'd sooner squish you with a 2 ton mallet than to flounce around in make-up & dresses. She has inu (dog) ears & a tail; though she doesn't have much control over transforming into the animal. One of her trademarks is a lab coat she stole from Icchan (from "Angelic Layer"). Its many bottomless, normal-sized pockets can store things as small as dust, to as big as buildings. She's the weirdest in our group. Specializes in: Ninja torture

Kakairo (Kai for short) has Hiei's height & attitude. Mass destruction follows her wake when someone makes her ticked. She has neko (cat) ears & tail with untamable, long black hair. She, too, doesn't have control over her transformation. This proves to be a problem not far into the fanfic. She's the arrogant fighter of our group. She has a weird addiction to sweet snow (ice cream), pixi sticks, & sushi. Specializes in: Demon torture

Rem is probably the sensible air-head in our group... & yes we know that doesn't make much sense. She is willing to wear dresses, but only the cool Lolita or medieval types. Nothing bright. She's funny, smart, & motherly, but **never** tick her off for Hell hath no fury to THIS woman's scorn. She hasn't found her hidden power yet. She has reddish-brown hair & is the most beautiful of the Trio. Never give Rem Sugar or red dye or chaos would break from her hyper-ness. Specializes in: Random mood swings.

Hope you like our fanfic & enjoy!


	2. Chapter 1 part 1

"The Road Trip of Doom"  
by: The Trio of Terror  
(Kakairo, Nanashi, & Rem)

Chapter 1; part 1: "Before the Lunacy begins…"

Kakairo sat at the bottom of the steps outside of her apartment building. Her black cat ears drooping from fatigue as she glared at the late morning scenery of happy chirping birds & soft rays of sunshine. The day was perfect for summer: warm with a cool breeze. This was normal weather for Germany. Kakairo took another sip of her coffee as her mind wondered to the events of the previous day.

+Flashback Begins+

Kakairo, in the midst of cleaning dishes, looked up as someone walked into the kitchen. "Hey, Yukina! What's up?"  
Yukina walked into the kitchen & shot a shy smile at Kakairo, who was now busy drying a huge metal pot she had been cleaning. "Hi, Kai-kun. Um... do you remember when you asked me if I wanted to bring someone along?"   
"Mhm. You decided, then?"  
"Hai. I was thinking about taking Kazuma-san."  
_Thud! Clang!_  
Kakairo tensed up as the pot slipped from her hand & landed right on her toe. "Ku-Kuwabara?"  
Yukina nodded. "Hai… is that a problem?"   
"Hiei's going to have a demonic fit…"  
"I'm sorry? I couldn't hear yo-"  
Kakairo cut her off with a forced smile. "It's no problem. I'll see what I can do."

+Later that day+

_Crash!_  
"Hiei... the wall didn't do anything to. You don't need to kill it, as well. The preps were ok but the wall is innocent."  
Hiei jerked his fist from the gaping hole & gave Kakairo a death glare. "This is all your fault! You knew she would ask the big oaf if she had the choice!"  
"Last I heard he was going on a Theme-Park-Trip with Yusuke. I didn't think he'd agree."  
Hiei's aura began to flare around him. "OF COURSE HE WOULD AGREE! HE'S OBSESSED WITH HER!"  
"Shove an ice cube up your butt & chill, Jaganshi! I'll ride with them to make sure nothing happens!"  
"If he lays one finger on her I'll slit your throat!"  
"Hn."  
"& STOP STEALING MY WORDS!"

+While Kakairo is stuck in her Flashbacks+ 

"KAAAAIIIII!"  
"Oy! Snap out of it, woman!"  
Rem continued her hyper bouncing. "Oooo… Kai has coffee! Coffeecoffeecoffee…. RED DYE!"  
Nanashi, used to random-Rem talk, ignored her & took a baseball-sized rock out of nowhere from her lab coat… which she used to chuck at Kakairo's head.   
_Thunk!_  
Nanashi grinned smugly. "Hey! I think I heard an echo where her brain should be!"  
Kakairo spluttered on her coffee & shot them a death glare.  
"I'll maul both of you."  
"Save it for the trip, Kai." Nashi said as she walked over & ruffled Kakairo's hair.  
Rem bounced her way to them. "When will the other's get here?  
Kai opened her mouth to speak just as a screeching of tires sounded in front of them. The trio looked up to see what the commotion was about. After a second Nashi & Rem burst out laughing while Kai groaned a dismal "I hate my life…"

Kakairo studied the salmon pink old BMW with complete and utter distaste. "You couldn't get another car!  
Orochimaru shook his head. "None that we could afford."  
Kai's nose wrinkled as if the car smelled like the fish its color reeked of. She began to scrutinize the entire vehicle. Yukina came up to her.  
"What are you doing, Kai-kun?"   
"I'm looking for a dent."  
Yukina stared at the smooth surface. "I don't think there is any…"  
Just then, Kakairo pulled a bat from thin air & whacked the trunk with all her might.  
"Sure there is! See. Dent." She said in a very light & chirpy voice.  
Yukina's wide eyes shifted nervously from her to the pulverized car. She slowly edged away. Kuwabara looked at the bat with confusion.  
"Hey! Isn't that Botan's bat?"  
Kakairo quickly hid the object behind her back. "What bat?"  
Zabuza raised his barely existent eyebrows. "The one that was supposed to be the murder weapon & that was taken from the scene of the crime?"  
Kakairo looked mournful.  
"Poor Botan… may her soul rest in peace because we sure as hell don't want her haunting us in the after-life."  
"Amen." Nanashi & Rem said in unison. They had the same masks of innocence and mourning on their faces as Kakairo. Kai took the chance to throw the bat into the nearest bush.  
"Right. Here's the plan…."

End of part 1: "Before the Lunacy begins..."

Note from Kai: Ok so it's not THAT interesting at the beginning, but let the story progress. It will get more fun in a chapter or two. x


	3. Chapter 1 part 2

Kai Note: Just for future reference I'm giving the readers a thorough explanation about the seating arrangements in the cars just in case the description later on isn't good enough. To start off with there are two cars: a Jaguar & a Camaro.

For the Jag: Zabuza is the driver. In the front passenger seat is Nanashi. Behind Nanashi, sitting by the window is Rem, beside Rem (in the middle) is Hiei, & beside Hiei (behind Zabuza) is Kakashi.

For the Camaro: The driver is Sanosuke. In the front passenger seat is Yukina. Behind Yukina, sitting by the window is Orochimaru, beside Orochimaru (in the middle) is Kakairo, & beside Kakairo (behind Sano) is Kuwabara.

Chapter 1; part 2: "Let the Road Trip Begin!"

"Kakairo stop hugging the stupid car!"  
"It's not a stupid car, Sano! It's a Camaro!"  
"It's a hunk of metal! Get off!"   
"Never!"  
While Sano was trying to crowbar Kai from their newly bought car, Nashi, Rem, & Kakashi were dealing with their own predicament: who got shotgun in the Jag.  
"Yee!" Nashi squealed then glanced stealthily at Kakashi & Rem, who returned the look. Silence.  
…………………………insert rolling tumbleweed ………………………  
"SHOTGUN FOR LIFE!"   
"Shotgu-"  
"Shotgu"  
"Shit!"  
"Yee!" Nanashi hopped into the passenger's seat.  
"Sucks to be you, Zabuza." Kakashi muttered.  
"Excuse me while I go put steel plating on my arm…" Zabuza growled  
Meanwhile, Sano had a brainstorm: "Kai! It's time to go!"  
Kakairo still hadn't moved from the top of the car. "Caaaamaaaarooooo…."  
Sano waved a pixi stick in her face. Kai's eyes suddenly directed themselves to it & followed the sugary substance's path.   
"PIXI!"  
"Wait! I-" +Sano gets tackled+

They were finally on the road & on their way to their first destination. The Jag was leading with Zabuza driving, Nashi at shotgun, & Rem behind Nashi. Beside Rem was a reluctant Hiei & next to him was Kakashi. Not far behind was the Camaro with Sano as the driver, then Yukina at shotgun, Orochimaru behind her, Kuwabara behind Sano, & Kai was stuck between the two.   
_Thunk! Thunk! Thunk!_  
Kakairo was on the verge of insanity. Anyone would if they were stuck in the backseat between a moron & Snake-boy.  
"Kai-kun, I don't think that's very healthy…"  
Kakairo stopped whacking her head with a SoBe bottle & looked up at Yukina with slightly crossed eyes.  
"But the little green man told me to!"  
Yukina sighed & took out a bottle of sleeping pills that Rem had given her for cases like this. "Here. Take these." She handed Kai the pill bottle.  
Kakairo "squee-ed" with glee & snatched the pills from her. "CANDY!" She chugged the entire bottle.  
Everyone in the car stared at her with surprise. A few minutes passed in silence.  
"…don't you feel anything?" asked Orochimaru.   
Kakairo shook her head like a little kid. "Nope! I'm perfectly– ZzZzZzZzZzZz…."

"I spy with my little eye something… hollow."  
Nanashi stopped scanning for yellow cars & punch buggies to look at Kakashi, her fist still raised & ready to whack Zabuza's already swollen shoulder.  
"Your head?"  
"Nope. Zabuza's."  
Hey! I can't help it if I took the wrong exit! This is my first time driving!"  
"What!" Rem screeched & threw the book she was reading at the ninja's head. The Jag swerved a few feet. (Sano: "What the hell…?") "Why didn't you tell us!"  
"Because I wanted to drive..."  
"Oh God we're doomed…"  
Nanashi suddenly gasped & punched Zabuza with all her strength.  
"Yellow car."  
"Ow! Stop that!"  
"No! It's fun!" She gasped again. "Yellow car!" Punch. "Eeee! Yellow punch buggy!" She punched him twice more.  
"Nanashi if you punch me one more time…"  
"Yellow car!" _POW!_  
"DAMN IT NANASHI!"  
Rem sighed & pulled out a walkie-talkie from underneath the seat. "Predator here. How's it going? Over." Feedback.  
A fuzzy voice replied. "Alien here. Everything's fine… to our standards at least. Over."  
"Squee! Orochimaru!" Nanashi lunged for the walkie-talkie but Rem pulled it out of her reach.  
"Calm down!" snapped Hiei.  
"Oh shut up & go back to sleep, you deranged dwarf!"  
"There they go, again…" muttered Kakashi from behind his Icha-Icha paradise as the two began arguing.  
Rem shook her head at them & returned to her conversation with the ninja. "How about a break, Alien?"  
"Er… from the way it sounds over there that might be a good idea. Over & out."

The groups took the next exit & were hanging out at the rest stop a few minutes later. While Kakairo was puking her brains out in a trash can ("I hate pills!"), the other's tried to determine where the heck they were.  
"I need to use the bathroom…" Mumbled Sano.   
"Lovely…" Nanashi grumbled sarcastically back to him.  
Rem pulled a coke out of the car & gave a Mountain Dew to Nanashi.   
"Do you know how far we are?" asked Nashi, her dog ears twitching happily as she sipped the soda.  
"About an hour…" Kakairo, who just came back, groggily replied.  
"Thank God! I didn't think driving with you nerds would be so hectic!" Nanashi griped.  
Kakairo growled darkly at her friend, but decided she'd let Kakashi handle the comment with his own way: the ninja was behind Nashi with a shook up coke can & the tab aimed right at her…

_Click! Shoosh!_

"_KAKASHI! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!_"

The group sweat-dropped as the now drenched inu snatched some of Kakashi's shriekens, & began to chase him with the sharp projectiles.

"Yesh! Finally! Amsterdam!" said Nanashi as she stretched her arms out to get more blood movement through her limbs.  
They were all walking down the hallway of a fancy hotel they were staying at. Each carried their own bags. Nanashi looked behind her where Kakashi was slowly limping along.  
"Aren't you glad to be here, Kakashi?" she said sweetly.  
"Hmph!"  
"Aw you still can't be mad, can you?"  
"You shot a shuriken up my ass… what do you think!"   
"Aw… it can't hurt that bad!"  
"You shot… a shuriken… up my ASS!"  
"You're such a baby!"  
Kakashi was about to argue when Rem butted in. "Here are our rooms!" she said a little loud. "Let's just get our stuff in, get settled, & go exploring."

End of part 2: "Let the Road Trip Begin!"


	4. Chapter 1 part 3

KAKAIRO Sorry this took so long, everyone. & PLEASE leave us comments!

Chapter 1 part 3: The Wrath of Rem

Hiei, Yukina, Nanashi, Rem, & Kakairo walked out of the Red Light District with scarred expressions.

"I-I d-d-didn't think th-there would be s-so much… activity in the m-m-middle of the day…" Rem stuttered. The other four nodded in agreement.

"It was…. thrilling…" Kakashi said happily. Zabuza & Kuwabara shared the dreamy expression he had. The three were put in deadly headlocks by Rem, Kai, & Nashi. Only Sanosuke & Orochimaru kept a somewhat cool composure, besides surprise they were unaffected from the hell they just came out of.

"Well its part of nature. It's perfectly normal." declared Sano.

Kakairo peered around Kakashi's blue face. "Normal! HALF OF HER BOOB WAS HANGING OUT!"

"This is… if it was a 'her'…" piped up Nanashi.

Kakashi squirmed out of her grip. "I say we go again!"

"NO!"

Amsterdam was a large & busy city. Everywhere the tour guides shouted information of the city's history to their groups of spectators. The roads were made of cobble stone & not many vehicles were seen driving around. Most of the population used other means of transportation: most walked or rode bikes, some took canal boats, & there were a few horse drawn carriages. Though this didn't make the environment any safer. 

"REM! WATCH IT!" The girl had spaced out yet again & had walked out in front of an on-coming horse drawn carriage. She was saved by Sanosuke pulling her back by the collar. Rem let out a choking sound as the jerk momentarily constricted her breathing. The ninjas & Hiei let out groan of disappointment & were soon on the ground bleeding by the punches Kai & Nanashi deliver to them. Once she was safe, Sano let go & punched her in the head, nearly sending Rem back into the peril of being trampled. "That's the fifth time, you airhead! Watch where you're going!" he growled. 

Rem punched Sano in the gut with a force that made even him double over. "Don't hit me again!" Her motherly nature had been replaced by fury. The group went silent from shock of the sudden change.

"What's up with you?" Hiei's arrogant tone rang out.

Rem shot him a glare. "I'm tired. Let's just get to the hotel." She then turned back around just in time to see a group of preppy girls walk by them, stop, & stare. This didn't bother them, since they were an odd group. Two of them had animal ears & tails, one was so ugly & stupid looking it was hard to classify him as something else, Sano was dressed in some weird Meiji/Edo Era clothes, three were ninjas, one was a dwarf with gravity defying hair, & Yukina had mint green hair & wore a kimono. Rem was the only semi-normal looking one. Though what pissed the group off about these preps were their snobbish looks. One girl pointed at them, said something in Dutch, & her friends laughed. 

Nanashi glared at them. "I don't know what they're saying… but I think I'd kick their asses if I did…"

Kai, with her traditional Glare of Doom, nodded in agreement. Behind them the ninjas were preparing to inflict some ninjutsu moves on the preps. Kuwabara looked horrified.

"You can't attack them! They're girls! A real man wou-" The sentence was stopped by Orochimaru shoving a scroll into his mouth. On the scroll was a binding spell. "Can it, moron."

Just then Kai stiffened. The others looked at her with seriousness. Usually that was a sign that something bad was going to happen.

"What is it?" asked Sano.

"I sense danger." She then looked to the side to see Rem enveloped in a raging aura. Her eyes glared ruthlessly at the girls as her fists clenched so tight that the knuckles turned pale. The Bishi's, Nashi, & Kai stared at her with wide-eyes & slowly edged away from her. Just then Rem lunged at the preps. 

this scene has been cut out due to major gore & bloodshed

Zabuza, Kakashi, Hiei, Sanosuke, Orochimaru, & Kuwabara were cowering behind Nanashi & Kakairo. All the guys were shaking in fear. Nanashi held a video camera in one hand while the other helped Kakairo shield Yukina's eyes. Rem walked back to the group in bloodstained clothes. A cute, happy smile adorned her face.

"I'm done!" The voice was back to its friendly warmth. She then began walking towards the hotel's general direction. As she passed by the guys flinched & moved away.

Kai was still gawking at the wreckage. "…that… was wicked awesome…" 

Nanashi was looking for something through the video camera. "…did you see where she threw the heads?"

Later that night, everyone was in the girl's room with sore feet. Kakashi, Nanashi, Zabuza, Sano, & Kuwabara were setting up the poker game. All the sudden, Kuwabara got a bright idea.

"Hey! How about we play strip poker?"

Ok… so maybe it wasn't a bright idea. Before any of the gutter-minds could respond, Kai, Nashi, & Rem had tackle Kuwabara, tied him up, gagged him with some dirty socks, & threw him into the closet. The promise of a similar fate to anyone that said something like that again kept the shouts of protest quiet. The game continued soon after while Rem, Yukina, & Kai talked on one of the beds. Of course, Hiei was sitting on the window sill (to Kakairo's dismay) & Orochimaru was discovering the wonders of European television. 

"Junk, cartoons, junk, can't understand, can't understand, can't understand, junk, can't understand, porn, cartoons, junk…"

Kakashi appeared behind Orochimaru, snatched the remote from him, & flipped two channels back. Yukina & Rem shrieked & covered their eyes & ears. Kai & Hiei fell head first onto the ground from where ever they were sitting. Zabuza leaned back in interest while Nanashi & Sano took this opportunity to look at his cards. Meanwhile, Kakashi had seated himself an inch from the screen.

After a few stunned minutes a fireball slammed into the TV & burnt it to a crisp. The blast made an electric surge that traveled to the other electronics. The lamps sparked, flashed, & blew out. More sparks flew & the room lit up like the fourth of July. Nanashi pulled some noisemakers from her labcoat & began to twirl them around. Sano hit her with a shoe. The commotion eased down eventually & the only source of light was the fire crackling within the TV.

"Hey! I was watching that!" shouted Kakashi as he looked at Hiei, the conjurer of the fireball.

"A dumbass like you would." retorted Hiei. He was obviously still scarred from the earlier events from today, &, due to the green-hued faces of Rem & Yukina, one would think they were, too. Kakairo sat up from her spot on the floor & looked around at the damage.

"I think we need to leave earlier than we intended.…"

Nanashi shrugged & got up. "Might as well make the best of it…" She pulled a bag of marshmallows from her suitcase.

They eventually let Kuwabara out so that he could join them as the group roasted marshmallows in the TV-fireplace. They had opened a window for the smoke to go out & for once the atmosphere was calm… until Nanashi conjured up a vodka bottle.

"I dare you to a drinking contest!" she declared while wagging the bottle in Zabuza's face.

Zabuza glared at her. "I'm bored of beating you in drinking contests. I want another opponent." 

"You're the one that always loses, you pinheaded ninja!" 

Zabuza ignored her & began looking around at the group for his victim. "How about you Kakashi?"

"Nuh uh!" intervened Rem. "Last time you two destroyed two blocks of houses." 

"So?" The meaningful stare she gaze him made him reconsider. "Alright, alright. Ummm… Kai?"

The group burst out laughing. Kakairo glared at them but stayed silent & continued roasting her already burnt marshmallow over the fire. Zabuza looked at the others in confusion. "What did I say?" 

Orochimaru stopped laughing & smirked at the disgruntled cat. "She can't do a drinking contest."

Zabuza sneered at her. "Why? Are you scared?"

Kakairo growled & flicked her marshmallow at Zabuza's forehead. The hot, gooey mass catapulted from her knife & splatted between Zabuza's eyes. He yelped & tried to get the stuff off. In an instant, Kai snatched the vodka bottle from him. "I'm not scared of anything."

Rem got serious. "Kai… you know what…" But before she could continue, Kakairo had dragged Zabuza over to the table, sat a shot glass in front of both of them, & poured them each full of vodka. 

Nanashi rolled her eyes at them. "Get a brain, Kai. You can't even stay awake through one sip of champain!"

An "hn" was the only reply she got as Kakairo got ready. White goo dribbled down Zabuza's nose as he too got ready. Their eyes met & were locked in a ruthless stare-down. The silence thickened in the atmosphere. Nanashi has whipped out her video camera again.

tumbleweed rolls across table & falls over edge

Sano gaped at the tumbleweed. "Where the hell did that tumbleweed come from!"

Nanashi gasped & lunged across over the table after it. "TUMBLWEED!" _THUNK! _

Kakashi rolled her eyes & downed the glass of vodka. Zabuza followed her lead. He was barely through half of his when….

_THUD!_

Zabuza looked over to see Kai zonked out & sprawled out over the floor. "Wow… she really can't hold her liquor…"

Nanashi, after sticking the tumbleweed to Hiei's spiky head, sighed & rubbed the bridge of her nose. "This is going to present some problems tomorrow..."

Chapter 1 part 3: The Wrath of Rem


	5. chapter 2 part 1

Chapter 2 part 1: Meow or Why Men Should Never Put Hotel Key Cards down Their Boxers

"Meow…"  
Rem felt something press against her diaphragm. She grunted in her half-sleep state & slowly opened her eyes to see a black, half grown tabby sitting on her. The tabby stared at her with hazel green eyes. Its tail, which was wrapped around its legs, was twitching its tip impatiently.  
"Meow…" it called again.  
Rem scratched behind its ears. The cat purred loudly while pressing its head closer to the hand. "Where did you come from?"  
The cat suddenly snapped up & jumped down. Rem sat up & looked around. She blinked dumbfounded before hopping out of bed & going over to where Nanashi was sleeping on the floor.  
"Nanashi? Have you see Kai or Yukina? They aren't here!"  
"Mpff?"  
"Uhg! Get up I said!" The frantic red-head jerked the pillow from beneath the blonde's head & whacked her with it. "WAKE UP!"  
Just then Yukina walked into the room. "Good morning Rem. Hello kitty!" she welcomed the furball that was brushing against her ankles happily. The Koorime produced what the cat had been expecting: a can of tuna. The tabby mewed happily & began consuming the tasty fish. Yukina then looked up & smiled at the curious expression she was getting from Rem. "I woke up to find the kitty here & went to get some food for it. I got us some breakfast." She said with a cute smile.   
Nanashi, who meanwhile had been snoring the paint off the walls, shot up straight with a wide-awake expression. "I smell doughnuts… & coffee!"  
Rem looked at her with a blank look. "You're hopeless…. Have you seen Kakairo?"  
Nanashi shook her head while she shoved her mouth full of doughnuts. "Wah 'ith 'ee 'at?" She said while pointing to the tabby.  
Rem shrugged. "It must have snuck in at some point."  
Nanashi sipped her coffee & bent down to pet the cat. "Neko no Kawaii…" She was rewarded by the cat giving her Kakairo's patented "You-are-so-stupid-and-if-you-touch-me-I-will-rip-your-arms-off-and-shove-them-up-your-ass-so-far-and-fast-it'll-warp-you-into-next-week" look.

((Kai's fingers cramp from typing that whew… Bishi's give her a 5.5 ….Kai throws a big heavy rock at them for the low score))

"SHIT!" Nanashi screamed, scooting away quickly. That's Kakairo!"  
"Na…?" Rem looked at the girl now huddled in the far corner. "…when did you get to sleep last night?"  
"I-" Nanashi's dog ears perked up as she stopped. The lock was clicking. She quickly jabbed on her labcoat & got up. The tabby trotted over to the door to investigate. It crouched down & put its nose to the door… just as the heavy wooden object swung open, squishing the feline.  
"MROW!"   
"What the fuck!" Zabuza had a slightly bewildered expression on his face. He hadn't bothered to dress – completely - & was standing before them in nothing but black boxers patterned with chibi skull & crossbones. Yukina turned around quickly, blushing. Rem squealed with fright, covering her eyes. Zabuza looked behind the door. "Wha'd I squish?"  
"How'd you get in here!" Nanashi demanded of him, arms crossed, looking for all the world like an angry house wife…. Wearing a labcoat.  
Zabuza looked at Nanashi with a vacant expression. He held up her key card.

Someone outside the room would probably have thought the girls were watching a movie too loud because of Nanashi screaming at Zabuza, gaining volume all the while, and thus giving the listener the impression of a jumbo jet revving up.  
"-DIDN'T EVEN BOTHER TO KNOCK…. COULD HAVE BEEN DRESSING! YOU INSENSITIVE-!"  
Zabuza finally put her in a headlock with his other hand over her mouth. Rem peeked between her fingers just in time to see Nanashi kick Zabuza in his pride & joy. Zabuza, having no protection, squealed like a piglet & crumpled. Rem had a hard time trying to stand & laugh at the same time. Yukina turned, saw Zabuza with his face pale & eyes wide while curled in the tiniest ball he could manage while whimpering. He still had hold of Nanashi. Nanashi attempted to fight off the wounded ninja to no avail.  
It was then that Hiei stuck his head in the room. "Umm…" Hiei looked from Rem recovering her breath to the Zabuza/Nanashi ball lying on the floor.  
"Mrow…"   
Hiei's hair poofed into a spiky afro from shock. He looked behind the door. The tabby from earlier stumbled out from behind. It saw Nanashi & Zabuza & burst into a kittenish laughter.   
"What the…?" Hiei looked at the cat. "Kakairo?"   
"Hishhhh…"  
"Yep."  
Meanwhile, Zabuza recovered, yanked Nanashi off of him as if she was just a rag doll, & sat up. He held her by the collar, in the air at arm-length.  
Nashi crossed her arms & glowered at him. "Give me that key!"   
Zabuza dropped her & put the key down the front of his boxers. "Come'n get it."  
Without change of expression, Nanashi snapped on a latex glove. "Rem? Try & hold his arms down."  
"You're joking, right?" Rem looked a bit sickened, like when Kakashi was watching porn the previous night.  
Nanashi forced Zabuza down & sat on his chest. She looked at Rem with no expression on her face whatsoever. "Do I look like I'm joking?"   
Rem meeped & say on Zabuza's arms.  
Hiei began to turn around. "I think this is a perfect time for me to lea-"  
"Hiei! Sit on his legs!" Nanashi demanded. He sat.  
"Oh shit… it fell…" Zabuza muttered.  
"What?" Nanashi looked over her shoulder at him.  
"The key… i-it f-fell…" He then blushed. "It's very cold…"  
"Well that puts a new shine on the situation…" Hiei said. "You're very bony for someone so muscle-bound, by the way."  
Zabuza grimaced. "Hiei, do me a favor & don't mention 'bones', alright?"  
"What?"   
Kakairo gave off a funny noise.  
"You-you mean…? ("Meow") Gar! That's sick."  
"Nanashi?" inquired Rem.  
"I-I w-w-wa… I wasn't ex-ex-ex-expecting-expecting th-this…" she stuttered. "I… expected it t-to be under-un-un-under h-his waistb-band….. n-not…." She shuddered. "Yukina? Methinks t'would be best for you not to watch this."  
"H-h-hai…" Yukina blushed even more turned away.  
Kakairo meowed.  
"You said it." Hiei muttered.  
"Hiei, are you talking to that cat!" Rem screamed, already anxious about the current business.   
"Zabuza," Nanashi squeaked "If we get Rem off you will you get it?"  
Yes, I am." Hiei said to Rem.  
"No, I won't." Zabuza said, practically daring the blonde to do what she was planning.  
"Knew it…" grimaced Nashi.  
"Well, then stop!" screamed Rem.  
"Beginning initial decent…"  
"Not my fault I can understand her!"  
Zabuza suddenly shuddered & gasped.  
"WHAT DID YOU DO!" Rem screamed.  
"I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!" Nanashi screeched in an oddly high-pitch voice. "IT'S ALL ZABUZA!"  
"WHAT THEN!" Rem yelled.  
"NOTHING!" Zabuza screamed.  
"LIAR!" Rem screeched.  
"NOTHING I WOULD TELL YOU, THEN!"  
"GOT IT!" Nanashi cried triumphantly & pulled the key out.  
Zabuza pulled his arms out from under Rem, shoved Nanashi off &, nearly tripping over Hiei & Kai, ran into the bathroom.  
Nanashi pulled a heat sterilizer out of her coat & put the key in it. She then pulled a Bunsen burner out, popped it open, took out some tongs, peeled off the glove, & burnt it.  
THUMP!  
They all glanced at the door to see Kakashi, Orochimaru, & Sano staring wide-eyed at them. Kuwabara had just passed out.  
"Oh crap…" Rem said.  
"Da…." Agreed Nanashi  
+insert awkward silence here+  
"Umm…" Orochimaru muttered.  
"Heh." Kakashi gave off a shaky laugh.  
"Er…." Wondered Sano.  
"Back to the issue with the cat…" Rem was determined to get rid of the awkward silence.  
"Mrow!"  
"T'is Kakairo." Nanashi said.  
"Since when could she transform?" Orochimaru inquired.  
"Since this morning, Orochimaru-san," Yukina told him, checking on Kuwabara.  
"Mrow!"  
"I have no shrimp," Hiei said to the fuzzball in his lap.  
"Mrow!"   
"How about tuna?"  
"MROW!"  
"We'll go buy some later."  
"MROW!"  
"ALRIGHT ALREADY! Gar…"   
Everyone was staring at them. Kuwabara suddenly revived. "I hear a kitty!"  
Kakairo curled up, looking like a fuzzy plush ball to hide from the moron.  
"Kitty!" Kuwabara went to pet it.  
"Kazuma-san…" Yukina warned.  
Kakairo hissed.  
His hand lowered.  
Kakairo attacked.  
In a fit of swirling fur, razor claws, & hissing struck Kuwabara full in the face, intent on clawing his eyes out. Nanashi had a camcorder & was avidly filming the attack. "When evil kitties attack."  
Kakairo finally stopped & jumped onto Hiei's head. Safe place, she thought, & meowed.  
"I DON'T HAVE ANY SHRIMP!"  
"Soo…." Nanashi rewound the tape on the camcorder while Yukina began fussing over Kuwabara again.


	6. chapter 2 part 2

Kai's Review- the gang (Zabuza, Hiei, Sanosuke, Orochimaru, Kakashi, Kuwabara, Yukina, Kai, Rem, & Nanashi) is in Amsterdam. So far: they've blown the TV, killed some preps, been through the Red Light District… ((Kakashi, Zabuza, & Kuwabaka: Yay! Do again!)) +Rem, Nanashi, & Kai whack the three with ridiculously huge fish+ Where was I? Oh yeah! Kai (me) got drunk, turned into her cat form, & can't get out. We left off with Nanashi having to retrieve a key card from Zabuza's boxers & Kai just attacked Kuwabara for his kitty obsession…

Chapter 2, part 2: Drunken Antics

Yukina continued to fuss over the unconscious Kuwabara. Rem put a hand on the girl's back.

"Yukina. Leave him. He'll be alright."

"You sure?"

"Positive." Rem gave her that reassuring, motherly smile of hers.

"What about Zabuza-san?"

Silence.

"Err," Nanashi shifted uncomfortably. "Give him about an hour to himself."

"Why?" Yukina asked.

Nanashi fixed her with a steady, emotionless stare.

"Erm… nevermind." Yukina blushed & turned away.

"How would you know how much time he needs?" Rem asked with an evil chuckle.

Nanashi fixed her gaze on Rem.

"Gah! Nevermind!" Rem backed away.

Kakairo meowed evilly.

"I quite agree." Hiei said.

"Oh no." Nanashi glared. "Don't come near me."

"Meow-Mrow-mow?"

"Ah, yes." Hiei cleared his throat.

"Mrow…"

"I'm askin', I'm askin'!" Hiei muttered.

"HIEI STOP TALKING TO HER & JUST SPIT IT OUT!" yelled Nanashi.

"Fine. She wants to know if-"

"NO!"

"But you don't even know the-"

"Probably do!"

FLUSH.

"I'd like to know, too," Rem converged on her.

"Get away." Nanashi looked for an escape. She ran.

"Nyau!"

"I quite agree."

Sano sneered at him. "What are you? British?"

"Get her!" shouted Orochimaru, pointing at the sprinting Inu.

"What?" Kakashi asked.

"She's hiding something!" replied Snake-boy.

A high pitch scream erupted somewhere in the room.

"What the-!" Kakashi cried.

"The bathroom!" Orochimaru cried.

((+Kai pauses movie+ Wow, Kakashi. You were clueless that day.

Kakashi: Shut up+Kai plays movie+))

They all ran over to meet a very strange smell & seeing Zabuza latched onto Nanashi's midriff, snoring. Nanashi was trying to wiggle out.

"Get him off, get him off, get him off!"

"How cute." Rem said, wearing an evil grin.

"Get him off! He's like a giant LEECH!"

"Nyau!"

"Heh. Blackmail." Hiei said with a grin that matched Rem's.

"KAKASHI! SOMEONE! HELP ME! HE WON'T LET ME- eep!"

Zabuza tightened his grip considerably. Nanashi gurgled.

"Let's get her outta there." Sano bent to release Nanashi from the vice grip.

That night

"TIS ADVERTISED IN BOSTON TOWN, NEW YORK, & BUFFALO…!" Zabuza, Nanashi, & Sano were staggering around, singing the pirate song, with glasses full of alcohol. They had already gone through three racks of Stubbies. The room reeked of the stuff.

"They've had too much to drink…" Rem muttered.

"No shit, Sherlock…" Hiei snarled back. Him & Kakairo (who was on his head) were smashing their heads against the windowpane. Oddly & annoyingly enough, it was going in beat with the horribly off-tuned song.

"…SINGIN' BLOW YE WINDS OF MORNING, BLOW YE WINDS HI-HO!"

Kakairo "yow-ed" in pain while the others were mercifully granted the ability to cover their ears with their hands.

"HAUL AWAY YOUR RUNNING GEAR & BLOW YE WINDS HI-HO…"

The mirror in the bathroom cracked. Yet another item to go on their bill.

"Shut up, please," Rem begged.

"Cape Cod girls, they have no combs…" Sang Zabuza.

"Heave away! Heave away!" chimed in Nanashi & Sano.

All chimed in here. "WE ARE BOUND FOR AUSTRALIA! Heave away ye bully bully boys, heave away! Heave away! Heave away & don't ye make no noise. WE ARE BOUND FOR AUSTRALIA!"

The state of the room now was one meant for the asylum. Kuwabara was curled in a tight ball in the corner. Rem & Yukina looked like they were on the verge of pulling out their hair. Orochimaru was staring at the window wistfully but couldn't do anything since Hiei & Kai were too busy still banging their heads on it. Kakashi sat one bed with his hands to his ears & looking like he was going to rip the three to shreds.

Kakairo twitched at the last note. "Nyau…"

"You said it."

"BEER CHUGGING CONTEST!" Kakashi screamed, intent on getting rid of the source of annoyance. He slammed down two cases of bottles.

Heineken.

"Kakashiiii!" Zabuza whined.

"You're kidding, right?" Nashi said huffily.

"Wah…?" Sano, supported up in between the two, was nearly out cold.

"What?" Kakashi asked.

"That doesn't qualify as beer." Nanashi said, trying to stand. "Get me my B-52 bottle."

"Oh, my God, Nanashi!" Rem cried. "Enough!"

Nanashi gave her that locked, emotionless stare. Only now her eyes were unfocused. She let go of Sano to face Rem & tried to stand erect. Zabuza & Sano fell sideways behind her.

"Not…" The drunken Inu replied in a slurred manner. She raised a thoughtful finger. "Not." She took the bottle from Kakashi, pulled out 3 shot glasses, shook the bottle, & poured a bit into the glasses.

"Ningen no Baka…." Muttered Hiei.

15 minutes later

_THUMP._

"There goes Sano," Orochimaru muttered.

40 minutes later

"I… can't… get… it…" Nanashi was attempting to grab her beer by grabbing thin air about an inch above the bottle.

"Hold… STILL…" Zabuza was having even more trouble. His eyes were following thin air, & every now & then he'd fire a misjudged grab.

"Nyau-mrow-meow-me-mow-mew!"

"Kakairo thinks you've had enough to drink…" Hiei reluctantly intervened. He was enjoying witnessing their stupidity. Rem watched them with one elbow resting on the table & her head in her hand. Her expression was that on one tired, bored, & annoyed. Kuwabara & Orochimaru were cheering for one of the chuggers with foam fingers & pennants they got from Nanashi's lab coat pockets; Kuwabara cheering Zabuza & Orochimaru cheering Nanashi. Since Sano zonked out they had long ago made a bet on the winner. Yukina was sleeping peacefully on the bed. Kakashi was reading Icha Icha Paradise.

"Gotcha!" Nanashi & Zabuza bothbellowed in triumph as they finally grasped hold of their beers. Zabuza threw back his head as he began chugging the bottle& slowly began to fall backwards. He wasalmost finished when hehit the ground with a snore. Nanashi set down her empty bottle.

"Victory!" She thrusted her arms in the air & fell over & passed out.

"Hah! I win!" Orochimaru yelled. Kuwabara slumped in defeat.

"Mreow-meow?"

"What was the bet?" translated Hiei.

Orochimaru grinned evilly. "Streaking down the hallway."

Hiei & Kai gave a weird expression: a cross between horror & amusement. Rem & Kakashi were laughing their heads off.

"Hold up! We have to video tape this!"

"WHO SAYS!" Kuwabara & Hiei yelled. For once, they agreed with each other. A memorable moment.

Rem gave an impish grin. "Its not like _we're_ going to watch it! But there willalways be some huge TV somewhere in a city we can plug this up to."

Kuwabara paled. Kai, Hiei, & Orochimaru grin maliciously.

Rem began shuffling through Nanashi's lab coat pockets to find her recorder. After a satellite dish, a sink, an angus cheeseburger, a handful of grenades, pixi stix (which were devoured quickly after retrieval), a toaster, a light bulb, arock named "Bob", a golf ball, a squeaky toy, & a yarn ball (Which Kai adopted as her own special friend.) the recorder was finally found. Rem then shoved it into Orochimaru's hands. "Happy filming."

"Why me!"

"You made the bet."

Kuwabara & Orochimaru groaned & stalked off.

Kakashi, being agitated by the drunken snores now, growled, grabbed the three drunks, & stuffed them into a closet. "Idiots..."


	7. chapter 2 part 3

Review: Nanashi, Sano, & Zabuza got drunk & Kakashi shoved them into a closet.

Kai: & I encourage the readers to read the other fanfictions made by Rem & Nanashi if you want to really laugh your guts out. (Who needs them, anyways! )

Chapter 2, part 3: "Mishaps & Chaos to Paris"

+next morning+

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Kakairo-kitty jolted from her sleep & fell from the top of Hiei's head & landed on the ground with a _thud_. Hiei, who was snoring on the windowsill, did the same & fell on top of her.

"REOW!"

"What the…"

"HISSSSSSS!"

Hiei jumped to the side & hit his head against the wall. He rubbed the back of his head while throwing out random curses.

"Reow….. HISS!"

"-bastards to hell after I beat living sh-WHAT! It's not my fault!"

"HISSSS!"

"HIEI STOP TALKING TO THAT DAMN CAT & LET ME OUT OF HERE!" came Nanashi's screams from the pounding closet.

"Nanashi-chan doesn't sound happy…" said Yukina sleepily.

The bathroom door started pounding as well.

"Who ever locked me in here with these morons is going to die a very painful death! & WHERE IS MY ICHA ICHA PARADISE!"

"Who are you calling a moron Kakashi!" came Kuwabara's nasally voice from the bathroom.

Rem sighed & sat up in her bed. What a way to greet the morning…. Wait. Why would I greet the morning? she thought. Letting out a groan, she got up. Yukina was staring confusedly at the bathroom.

"Why is Kakashi, Kuwabara, & Orochimaru-san locked in the bathroom?" she asked Rem.

"For our own well-being…" Rem replied as she unlocked the closet. Nanashi stumbled out. Zabuza & Sano were still out cold. She glared accusingly at the individuals (& kitty) present. Rem held up her hands defensively.

"Hey! Don't look at me. It was Kakashi."

"Where is he?" Nanashi asked with a murderous growl. The banging on the bathroom door stopped suddenly. A barely audible, & slightly squeaky, 'oh shit' was heard behind it. There was a dead silence.

_Cricket. Cricket._ Neko-Kai leapt after the unfortunate bug. Nanashi looked at the door expressionlessly & walked towards it. Rem backed away slowly. There was a soft click as the Inu unlocked the door & a slight creaking sound as she opened it slowly & maliciously.

"Ehehe… hi Nanashi…" Kakashi's nervous voice came.

Nanashi pulled a Packers helmet out of no where & stuck it on. With a roar, she charged into the bathroom. Kuwabara & Orochimaru stumbled out just in time to escape the chaos & carnage. Bent & broken objects flew room the room as Kakashi's tortured screams echoed through the hotel room.

"AH! STOP! HEY THAT'S BREAKABLE!"

_Crack!_

"AAAAUGH!"

Orochimaru ducked to avoid a pipe & did a summer-sault roll to avoid anything else. Kuwabara, on the other hand, slashed through another pipe with his spirit sword, but continued to stand there like a dumb-bell & throw a tantrum.

"HEY WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU TRYING TO D-" _Thunk!_ He was hit in the head with a chunk of a porcine sink. His head jerked back & he fell like a sack of potatoes. Nanashi came out helmet-less & with a satisfied expression. Orochimaru, Kai, Hiei, & Rem rushed over to see the damage. Yukina was tending to Kuwabara… again.

"Dude…." said Orochimaru.

"She pulverized him!" Rem said gleefully.

"Nyau?"

"Is he alive?" translated Hiei.

"Quick! Someone get a stick to poke him with!" Rem ordered.

Nanashi sighed & sat at the edge of the nearest bed. Neko-Kai, having disposed of her buggy victim, jumped up next to her with a bottle of advil in her mouth. Nanashi took it & scratched the kitty behind the ears. She received a purr.

"Arigato."

"Mew." She hopped down to chase after a passing fly.

Nanashi looked at Hiei & raised her eyebrows for a translation.

"Hn."

The inu looked more frustrated.

"Hiei…. are you looking to become a bloody human knot like Kakashi?"

Hiei raised his eyebrows. "Hn!" He put more emphasis on the word.

"HIEI JUST TRANSLATE, DAMN IT!"

"ARE YOU DEAF, ONNA? SHE SAID "HN"!"

"GAH! I'M SURROUNDED BY MORONS!"

"HISSSSSS!"

"OH SHUT UP, KAKAIRO!" Nanashi fell back on the bed. "This is not helping my headache…" she groaned, it stifled by a pillow that covered her face.

Rem patted her on the back while Orochimaru tried every hold, vice grip, & ninjutsu known to man to subdue the infuriated cat…. Only to get the living daylights scratched out of him. Meanwhile, Kuwabara had woken up to see Yukina hovering. He grinned stupidly & took her hand.

"Are you the angel from my dreams?"

Yukina blinked at him. "Huh?"

Kuwabara's grin expanded. "Just gazing at the the prettiest face to wake up to."

Hiei growled murderously at Kuwabara from the other side of the room. He bent down, snatched up Kai as she was about to catch her evasive bug, & chucked her at Kuwabara. The kitty flew in the air, hair standing on end & eyes wide, as Rem, Orochimaru, & Nana's heads followed her aerial path towards Kuwabara's face. She landed on it & latched onto the side of his face, her body stretched out as far as it would allow to prevent herself from touching him. There was a deep silence as the two stared at each other. The others watched expectantly for what was about to come. Nana sidled over to Yukina & calmly pulled her out of the red zone.

"RrrrrrreeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!"

A whirlwind of claws started circling Kuwabara's face. The idiot jumped up & began running around while trying to get the demonic cat off. Nanashi retrieved her video recorder.

"When Kitties Attack…. Part 2."

Kuwabara was still screaming his head off after a few minutes. Finally, he ran head-long into a wall &, once again in the past hour, fell like a sack of potatoes & into unconsciousness. Kai avoided being squished between his face & the wall by jumping off & landing gently on the ground… only to be crushed beneath his massive frame.

"REOW!" _Squish!_

Rem was laughing her head off by now & Nana was trying to laugh but not induce further harm through her headache. Orochimaru shook his head, looking like he wanted to chuck himself out the window. He took Kuwabara & Kakashi by the collars of their shirts & began dragging them out the door. (Revealing a swirlly-eyed Kakairo beneath Kuwabaka.)

"We're going to go pack. Come get us when Zabuza & Sano wakes up. It's going to be interesting to watch him & the Wicked Witch of the West go at it." said Snake-boy.

Nanashi chucked the now empty advil bottle at him.

+1 hour later+

Zabuza picked up the empty advil bottle. He opened it, turned it upside-down, & shook it.

"Shit…."

Nanashi tugged on his shirt. She pointed to the advil bottle.

"What's up with you?"

Nanashi then pointed to herself with the world's goofiest grin.

"Oh, dear Lord almighty…" Zabuza shuddered.

"Mrow…" Neko-Kai was sitting on Hiei's head.

"She agrees," Hiei said. "So do I."

Nanashi was now TP-ing Kuwabara.

+2 hours later+

"+insert Meow Mix theme song here+" Neko-Kai sang. Unfortunately for those who accompanied her (Sano, Orochimaru, Yukina, & Kuwabara) she had gotten into a bag full of pixi stix. Due to eating 50 of the 16-packed bags, she was having a major kitty-ish sugar-high. The walkie-talkie was on 2-way so the other car can hear her & she could hear their screams.

Nanashi joined in. Double the torture, double the fun.

"Meow-meow-meow-meow, meow-meow-meow-meow, meow-meow-meow-meow-meow-meow-meow-meow…"

"NANASHI!" Zabuza screamed. "You have FIVE seconds to shut up before I throw you out the window!"

"Meow. Meow. MEOW!" Nanashi finished & there was a clatter. "This is your copilot speaking. We are about to enter some severe turbulence. Please fasten your seatbelts."

"What do you mean 'severe turbulence'!" screamed Rem.

Zabuza's voice was the last to sound. "H-hey! What the---"

_Click._ Feedback. Jurassic Park suspense

Everyone in Kai's car looked through the windshield at the Jag. It lurched forward, then shot across several lanes, bopped against the barrier, ricocheted off, slammed against it again, rubbed against it for several lengths shooting sparks, then spiraled diagonally backwards across the lanes, & landed nose first into a ditch. A back wheel, suspended in the air, spun madly. The trunk popped open.

Sanosuke pulled the Camaro over some 20 feet behind the Jag. The walkie-talkie beeped.

"This is your copilot-turned-captain speaking…gzzt…Has experienced some…gzt…difficulties. Thank you for your time & cooperation. As you can see, the 'fasten your seatbelts' sign is still activated, & will stay so for the remainder of the trip. We apologies for any… or most… inconveniences. Thank you for flying Jaguar Air." _Click._

Orochimaru got out to see what was wrong. He saw Nanashi slam the trunk closed, wave cheerily, & got into the driver's seat.

"Oh, fcking hell…."

"Nyau?"

"Nanashi's driving."

"Hisss!"

"Exactly."

_WrrRRR-SCRUNCH!_ The Jag went further into the ditch.

_Skrk. Chank. VRD-DR-DddddddddddddddvvvvvvvvvvvVROOM! Vrrrrrr….!_ Nanashi put the car in reverse & drove back on the road. She started off, followed by the Camaro. Orochimaru looked at the torn jag clattering along.

"We need a new car…"

Neko-Kai growled in annoyance. Kuwabara snorted loudly & woke up from his slumber.

"Whad' I miss?" He scratched the back of his head, for the entire world looking like a butt ugly monkey.

((Author's Note: Because he IS a butt ugly monkey!))

((Sano: punches Kai Stop interrupting the story!))

((Sano gets beaten to a pulp by Kai's Flying Fist of Fury & Doom))

Yukina was too busy fretting over Nanashi's hostages to answer.

Sano was rubbing a mysterious pulsing bump on his head that had magically appeared. "Just go back to sleep, Kuwabara. It's best for all of us. Especially you." Sano said irritatedly as he pointed to the pissed off cat, while shooting a glare at her through the mirror. She flexed her claws at him.

+2 hours later+

Sano, Neko-Kai, & Orochimaru sweatdropped as Nanashi tried to park in a tiny parking place three cars down from them.

_Skrunch!_

"There goes another car's rear." Said Sano. Neko-Kai watched from on top of the Camaro's trunk. Her tail twitched irritatedly.

"Ohh! I hope the others are ok!" cried Yukina.

Kuwabara put his arm around her shoulders macho-ly. "Aw don't worry Yukina-san! I'm sure they all are fine."

Kai made a mental note to tell Hiei. The results would make her day.

_SKREeeee-CRUNCH!_

"& another." Sano said again matter-of-factly.

Nana poked her head out to look at the fan-like trunk of the Jag. "I think I killed Zabuza…" She shrugged & got ready for another attempt.

Tired of the torture, Hiei jumped out, literally driver-side door off the Jag, threw Nana out, & got behind the wheel. The Inu was too surprised to say anything & just lay there about five feet from the vehicle.

Kai blinked. Orochimaru echo-ed her thoughts. "….Hiei can drive!" The rest of the party blinked a few times in unison.

Sure enough, Hiei crawled the car into the tiny parking place with ease & grace that only a pro held.

"What are the odds of that? Midgets can drive!" cried Kuwabara. He was attacked by the whirlwind of claws again.

Nanashi had recovered from her shock now. Aura flaring menacingly, she jumped up & stomped over to the driver side. On the way she retrieved her 2 ton mallet. As Hiei got out, he was delivered a blow that threw him back into the car & smash out the other side of it. He slammed into the next car's side. An annoying car alarm began ringing.

Sano walked over to the car & peered into the backseat while Nana, again in her cheery-advil-induced mood, popped open the trunk.

"Um… do we have a crowbar?" asked Sano.

Neko-Kai poked her head in to see Kakashi & Rem clutching to the backseat as if they were hugging a cliff wall.

"Meow?" Their scared, wide-eyed expressions didn't change.

Nanashi was looked inside the trunk at the battered & bruised Zabuza. She checked his pulse.

"Ok! He's still breathing!" She slammed the trunk shut again. "We'll get him later." She walked over to Sano & peered over his shoulder. "Aw come on! My driving isn't that bad!"

Kakashi snapped to life as he lunged at her. Nanashi ducked.

"WHAT WERE YOU THINKING! I SAW MY LIFE FLASH BEFORE MY EYES!"

Nanashi made a sarcastic innocent face. "Eyes? You sure you saw your life flash before both of them? If there even is a life worth flashing."

Kakashi lunged at her. Nanashi ran. Kakashi followed.

Rem awakened & shakily got out. Kai rubbed against her ankles before hopping over to see if Hiei was still alive. She jumped onto his chest just as he woke up from unconsciousness. He rubbed his head where a bump was.

"Ow…. Baka Inu…"

"Mew?"

"Hn?" He glared at her. He was in an even sour mood than he usually was.

"Meow-mew-nyau-meow-meow. Meow-mew."

"He did what!"

Hiei sat up so fast he catapulted the furball into the dashboard of the Jag.

"REOW!" _THUNK!_ "HISS!"

Hiei fizzed from his spot & the next thing she heard was a loud _POW _& a _CRASH_ afterwards. Music to her ears. The cat jumped out through a broken window & ran over to Rem. There, she sat next to her feet & watched the brutal beating contently.

"Welcome to Pari. The city of love."


	8. Chapter 3, part 1

Chapter 3, part 1: Pari… the city of DEATH!

Kai note: Sorry for the long wait people. School has kept me busy. Well… here it is! (Naruto+bonks Kai across head+ just get one with it, will ya!) +glares at Naruto+ …. +scene skips to me in a Godfather suit with a human-sized bag slumped over my shoulder. Chucks bag over the side of the bridge. Looks over at camara+ DAMN IT, SANO! They weren't supposed to see that! Cut it & go to the fanfic already+images fizzes for a few seconds+

+30 min after the group arrives in Paris+

"Right. Here are the rooms & here are the keys." Rem distributed the brass keys to everyone. She hesitated when she reached Zabuza.

"Here are the rules, Zabuza: no putting keys, cards or any other objects down your boxers, whitey-tighties, &/or pants. Unless it is disposable & we wouldn't bother retrieving or using it again. Other than that I don't care if you shove the Mona Lisa down your pants!"

Nanashi & Kai were gurgling from the forced mental image of Zabuza in whitey-tighties. Kakashi looked green (yet amused) while Sano echoed the color with a bit of paleness. Orochimaru & Kuwabara were laughing their heads off. Hiei was indifferent. Zabuza, agitated now, snatched the key from her.

"Whatever, you nagging battle-ax." His head was rammed into the nearest wall by Rem's fury.

+one hour later+

Kakashi was staring boredly up at the Louve. "Someone remind me why I'm here?"

Sano scratched his head with the lathargicness of a sloth. "Because the writers like to throw random crap into the plots."

A brick from out of no where comes flying through the air & whacks Sano in the head. Kai: how's that for random, you dumbass? Stop pulling away from the storyline!

Zabuza sighed. "Lets get this over with…"

+Inside the Louve+

Kakashi was in heaven. "This is like Icha Icha Paradise 3D!" The ninja cried enthusiastically.

The very first room the group walked into presented an army of statues that were of naked or half clothed Romans on horse back or just standing, some of men, some women (which were the ones Kakashi was drooling over), some eunichs (or so Sano oh-so pointed out matter-of-factly). Rem & Yukina were covering their eyes, their beet red faces shining brightly behind their hands. Kakairo was curled into a tiny kush ball inside Hiei's pocket. Of course Hiei looked like he didn't give a damn. Kuwabara, on the other hand, was having an extreme homo-phobia moment.

"This is so wrong! Who would make something like this!"

"Ancient sculptors, you dumbass." Hiei said matter-of-factly.

Kuwabara clutched Hiei's collar. Hiei kept emotionless. "Why I oughta…"

"CAN WE JUST GET OUT OF HERE!" Rem asked as she began to wonder blindly in what she thought was the way out. It ended up being a direct path towards a statue.

"Rem! Wait!" Sano cried.

Too late. The red-head bumped head-long into the statue. "Owie!"

The ancient sculptor of Caesar teetered, and then fell cataclysmically over to the side. The statue rammed into another statue, which tipped over into another, & another, & another, until the entire room was going by the domino effect. There was a rumble as every one of the centuries old statues toppled over & broke into a million pieces. Dust covered the entire room like a sandstorm. By the time the clamor stopped, the others were standing there stupefied, gawking, & wide-eyed. Even Hiei.

Rem peeked from behind two fingers at the disaster. She thrusted her fists triumphantly into the air. "Yay! I killed the nightmare!"

Kakashi looked sick. "You killed my dream!"

Zabuza grabbed Kakashi by the collar while Sano dragged Rem. "Let get out of here before the dust clears & the camaras see it was us."

"What do you mean 'US'! I would never do this! How could you! You always dampen my dreams!" Kakashi squealed as he broke down like a little girl.

+After a few hours of running blindly through the maze that is Paris…+

Kakashi was still trying to accept that his happiest moment was crushed by pure mishap. Something he'd never forgive Rem for. & he made that quite clear.

"You dream-crushing horror…"

Rem shrugged. "I'll tell you when your opinion matters." She was still quite pleased of her actions.

Orochimaru stopped in his tracks. "Hey. Look at this sign!"

He pointed to the spot in front of him & everyone looked at a yellow flyer taped to a light pole.

"'The Paris Sewer Tours. View the lost art & wonders of Paris's history'? Ewww…."

Sano turned around to blink at Kuwabara & Orochimaru. "Since when the hell did you two know how to read French!"

Kuwabara blinked. "Good question."

Orochimaru shrugged. "Well other than dumbass here, I'm ninja. I have to be a linguist sometimes."

Kuwabara was trying to activate what little brain cells he had to figure out how he knew french. ((+writers laugh as they play with Kuwabaka's mind+))

Nanashi nodded at a red flyer below the "Sewer Tour" one. It was draped in skulls around the border. "What does that one say, Orochimaru?"

Sano stared at the flyer & its impending note of death. "That tells a lot about your state of mind."

Nanashi ignored him as Snake-boy answered.

"'Tour of the unearthed grave.'….I still want to go to the sewers." He replied.

Nanashi nodded. "You do that & visit your disease crawling sewage. Who wants to visit dead people?" Everyone raised their hands except Orochimaru. Nanashi thought for a moment.

"Ok. How about this: firstonetoteleportoutdoesn'thavetovisittheoversizedtoilet!"

Rem raised her hand in objection. "Hey! That's not fair! Not all of us can-"

Nanashi grabbed Zabuza's arm as he & Kakashi poofed out, leaving Rem, Yukina, Sano, Kuwabara, & Orochimaru behind. Rem was fuming a short distance from the group so no one could hear her ranting taboo words in various languages. Hiei was about to teleport out when Kakairo poked her fuzzy kitty head from his pocket.

"Nyau."

The pointy-haired midget looks down that the cat. "Are you sure."

"Mew."

Hiei nodded. "Let's go then." He started to walk away from the group when Rem pulled him back by his scarf. In a rare moment of surprise, he fell backwards onto his back. Hiei stared dumbfoundedly at Rem as Kai somersaulted out of his pocket.

"Nyau-u-u-u-!"

"Ah! Kakairo-chan!" Yukina screamed as she rushed forward & scooped up the cat before it was ran over by an approaching carriage.

Meanwhile, Rem was looming darkly & maliciously over Hiei. "& where the heck do you think YOU'RE going, Jaganshi..?" she hissed out eerily.

Hiei tried to regain his composure but you could tell he was shaken. "I think I might know a way to change Kai back. Now would you let go of my scarf, onna, so I could get off of this filthy human street!"

Rem glared at him but relented. "I'm going to kill Nana for always dealing me the short end of the stick…"

Kakairo was purring happily in Yukina's arms as the girl began scratching behind her ears. Though, her mood was interrupted as Hiei jumped up, disgruntledly, & snatched her up by the scruff of the neck. Yukina jumped from the sudden movement as Hiei stomped off, avoiding eye contact.

"REOW! HISSSS!" Neko-Kai struggled to claw & bite his hand.

"Shut the hell up!"

He disappeared. Yukina stared sadly at where Hiei was.

"He'll be fine, Yukina-chan." Rem said in a forced since of calmness. She glowered at Orochimaru. The ninja shrank beneath her. "You got me into this mess so lead the way."

"But I don't want to go into the sewerr!" Kuwabara whined.

Rem looked at him with deathly calmness. "Sano?"

"With pleasure." He punched Kuwabara in the back of the head & knocked him out. Yukina was getting used to this process so just shrugged it off. & so… the group headed off to their destination. Orochimaru leading but looking more like a prisoner, & Sano dragging the, yet again, unconscious Kuwabara across the rough cobble streets.


	9. Chapter 3 part 2

Chapter 3 part 2: The Sewers of Death

Okay! Long time in the making for this update. It's because Kai is too lazy, or cares too much about her grades. is being weird, so I if any of the words are missing a space, it's the site's fault, okay? Now, then. I don't exactly remember what happened in the sewers of Paris, but I'll make something up. Get ready for something weird. NANASHIREVAMP.exe, EXECUTE!! -double-clicks icon, load bar denotes "2 days, 43 hours, 926 minutes, 53 seconds, and 412 cigarettes" as load time- Crap! ((Kai: Waitaminute...wtf?!))  
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, YYH, or RK. kthnxbai

* * *

Orochimaru whistled tunelessly as he lead the unfortunate group down into the bowels of Paris.  
Rem was not happy. She definantly did not want to experience firsthand where exactly the ducky went when it went down the hoooooole. Rem glowered at Orochimaru. A glower that Sano had quickly jumped out of the way of, lest he be impaled wrongly. The snake-man ignored her and continued walking. Rem started plotting her revenge.

Meanwhile, Nana, Kakashi, and Zabuza were all ooh-ing and ahh-ing over giant stacks of bone. They were piled maybe 5 feet up in neat stacks, about 6 feet from the wall to hide the mass of bone hidden behind.  
"Just imagine," Nanashi said in an oddly awed voice. "All these people were killed by the black plague." Zabuza looked at her blankly.  
"'The Black Plague'? Sounds like a half-baked supervillain."  
"The bubonic plague, then," she responded irately. "It was a disease brought over to Europe during the dark ages, by rats on trading ships, I think. Killed...maybe...60 of the population, I think?" She thought about this for a moment, trying to remember the exact death toll. "Well, at any rate, it killed more people than WWI and WWII combined, and it killed more people than the Civil War." It was Kakashi's turn to look confused.  
"WWI?"  
"Gaaah!" Nanashi decided it was time for a history lesson.  
Hiei chuckled a bit. Nanashi looked back at him.  
"High damn time you got over here, midget."  
Hiei twitched. "What did you say?"  
"What, you can't hear right, shorty?"  
Zabuza handed a bag of unpopped popcorn to Kakashi, who started heating it with a jutsu.  
"...You realize the penalties for such insults?" Hiei asked tensely. Kai jumped off of Hiei's head and clawed her way up to Zabuza's head. He was lucky he decided to wear a shirt today, as her claws were only large enough to penetrate the shirt. She meowed.  
"They're not insults, Chibisuke!" Nanashi patted Hiei on the head. "They're the truth!"  
SNAP.

Orochimaru lifted his head, and paused. "Did you guys hear something?"  
"Huh?" Sano looked at him with a raised eyebrow and a questioning look, letting the ninja know that Sano was off in his own world. He wondered vaguely exactly what went on in it, because Sano was in it quite often.  
"Did. You. Hear. Something." Orochimaru repeated again, agitated.  
"I'm not stupid, you know."  
"News to me."  
"Shut up!!" Rem growled, glaring at the two of them. Both of them put on a show of innocence.  
"Whaaat? I was just asking if he had heard anything."  
"What did it sound like, Orochimaru-san?"  
"Kinda...like a snapping noise, y'know?"  
Yukina looked thoughtful for a moment, putting on a ridiculously cute expression.That was too much for Kuwabara to take. He freaked out.  
"Yukina!! You should watch how cute you look, or else I'll steal you awa---" He stopped, Orochimaru's foot in his face.  
"Since Hiei is not here, and I really hate you, I decided to adopt Yukina." He smiled sweetly and patted the girl on the head. "So you can just.." His eyes and voice hardened and he kicked the idiot into a strategically-placed canal. "...TAKE A COLD SHOWER!!" He smirked, watching Kuwabara having a germaphobe moment. Rem cheered up considerably at this.  
"Maybe this wasn't as bad an idea as I thought it was."  
Yukina sighed at the obvious turn of events and started to question Kuwabaka's intelligence as well. The Trio was rubbing off on her.

"...And then Hitler committed suicide after two failed assassination attempts, and Germany's role in WWII was eventually brought to a close. WWII didn't end until the US dropped two atomic bombs onto Hiroshima and Nagasaki in Japan." Nanashi clapped her hands matter-of-factly. "And that concludes today's history lesson." She turned to go down the corridor of bone, taking great care to step on a knocked-out Hiei on the way. Zabuza poked the unconscious demon with a femur.  
"Is he still alive?" Zabuza asked. Kai meowed slightly, peeking over the ninja's head. The ninja looked up with a slightly shocked expression.  
"Say that again."  
Kai looked down at him curiously and repeated her meow. Zabuza's eye twitched.  
"I...have gone insane."  
Kakashi raised his eyebrow. "What do you mean?"  
"I can understand the damned cat now." He looked like a man defeated. Kai hissed and dug her claws into the ninja's scalp. He didn't budge, and continued to mourn over his lost sanity. Or, at least, what was left of it. Kakashi lifted the inert Hiei and looked back at them.  
"I wouldn't be left too far behind." He put on a demented grin. "The undead might rise and try to assimilate you. See ya!" He dashed off. Kai turned white.

"Kazuma, you reek."  
Rem twitched. The usual "-san" that was at the end of Yukina's usual mode of address was gone. She narrowed her eyes to study the demon. Kuwabara laughed embarrassedly.  
"Well, I did kinda fall into sewage."  
Orochimaru ignored the idiots attempt to deny the fact that he had been kicked ten feet into a trough filled with raw sludge. Yukina raised a cynical eyebrow, but said nothing. Rem's eyebrows knit together.  
"But, I'm glad that we made it out of that place in one piece! We can go back to the hotel room for me to take a shower--"  
"There's no way I'd shower in the same shower after you've been in it," Orochimaru spat, kicking him into the river. "Now drown!" he commanded.  
Yukina looked over the edge of the wall as Kuwabara climbed onto a pier that he somehow missed. She looked at Orochimaru. "Wouldn't he smell worse after that?" she asked, pointing down at him with an innocent expression. Orochimaru and Sano blinked, then burst into laughter.  
"Who are you and what have you done with Yukina?" Rem asked.

It took a bit of Kitty-fu persuasion, but Kai finally got Zabuza to move. He jogged through the corridor, catching up to Kakashi, Nanashi, and Hiei.  
"Mroooowwwww..."  
"I know you're bored, we're almost there."  
"Mow-meow-mrou?"  
"I'm sure Hiei will be fine."  
"Mew-mew-meow-mrow?"  
"I don't have any shrimp."  
"Myau?"  
"No, I don't have any shrimp now, either."  
"..."  
Zabuza continued, the sound of Kakashi and Nana laughing getting louder.  
"Myau?"  
"No, not now, either."  
"Myau?"  
"No."  
"...Myau?"  
"If you ask that one more time, I am chucking you into the river as soon as we get above ground."  
"..."  
Zabuza continued.  
-10 second silence-  
"Myau?"  
Zabuza settled for throwing her into a pile of bones.

Nanashi looked back at the sound of unholy rage. "Okay, who stole my rage from me?"  
Kakashi looked back, as well. "Zabuza, I'd imagine. Although, he's had his own rage to begin with."  
Hiei stirred. "Geh...wha...?" He looked up blearily. "Wha...wha happened?"  
"You fell asleep during my history lecture," Nanashi piped in. Which wasn't entirely false. "Ah! The exit!" She started to dash for the light when Zabuza shot past her like a bullet, followed closely by a pissed-off Kitty Kai. "Um..." She pointed at them. Kakashi shrugged.

* * *

Well, I suppose that's it for this chapter. A lot of it I pulled out of my arse because I want to get right into EuroDisney. I've never been there, so pretty much I'm going to rip up Disneyland and place it a half-hour's drive away from Paris. Well, Kai? How'd I do? 


	10. Chapter 3 part 3

Chapter 3, part 3: Adieu, Paris!!!

Disclaimer: We do not own Naruto, RK, YYH, or whatever else is in here. Just Kai, Nana, and Rem.

I'm not even sure that's the right jutsu, but since I'm at school and not at home, we're going with that.

* * *

Everyone was sitting in the girls' room again, staring at the cieling or once again dicovering the wonders of european television.  
"Hey! CNN Worldwide!"  
Everyone sat up to watch the little bit of english available to them in the country they were in.

-1 hour later-

Zabuza wrenched himself out of his trance as the stories played back for the third time. He snatched the remote out of Orochimaru's hands, and started flipping the channels. As he did, he started growling, and Kakashi started naming the channels as the passed.  
"Porn Central, CNN, The Girly Sport Channel, Soap Opera, Porn Central, CNN, The Girly Sport Channel, Soap Opera, Porn Central, CNN..."  
Nanashi snatched the remote away from the growling ninja. "There's only four channels, dumbass!" She pulled out a DVD player and set it up. She threw a half a dozen movies onto the bed. "Here! Argue over a movie!"  
"Hey! The Princess Bride!" Rem grabbed the movie.  
"Hell no." Hiei glared at her from the windowsill.  
"I'll watch it just to piss Hiei off," Zabuza grinned. Nanashi grabbed the movie and slid it in.

-1 hour later-

"_What about the R.O.U.S.'s?_"  
"_Rodents Of Unusual Size? I don't think they exist._"  
"_GRAAAAAAAAGH!!!_"  
Rem, Nanashi, and Kai all burst into laughter. Zabuza had grinned somewhat, Kakashi wasn't paying attention, and Orochimaru was watching Hiei beat Kuwabara into a bloody pulp out of frustration. The movie was nearly over, and only the first four seemed to be enjoying it. Yukina had excused herself soon after the movie had started ((Nanashi: -calling after Yukina- But the kissing stuff doesn't last through the whole movie! Do you really think I would watch a kissing movie?!)) and hadn't come back. However, the movie was doomed not to last. Electric sparks started coming from the DVD player, which soon fizzled out.  
"Damnit! Just as it was getting to the good part!" She hopped of the bed and quickly got the movie out before it melted.  
"Heh, figured it'd break." Zabuza leaned back on the bed, his arms behind his head.  
"What's that supposed to mean?"  
"It must have caught your stupid."  
Rem hopped off the matress just before Nanashi sliced it in half, using...  
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING WITH MY SWORD?!!!"  
Nanashi fended off the enraged ninja with a kick and slipped into a southern accent. "Damnit, it ain't yours no more! And there ain't no way, no how I'm gonna give it back to ya!"  
Zabuza growled and lunged again. Nanashi reversed the blade and knocked the ninja out of the window with the blunt side of his own sword, who accidentally took Orochimaru with him. Nanashi jumped out onto the flagpole right outside their window, and Snake-boy latched his tongue onto the pole. Nanashi drew herself up.  
"_BAKU SUISHOUHA!!_" She inhaled and and "breathed" out a jet of high-pressure water, aimed right at the unfortunate ninja. Zabuza was able to barely avoid it, but the jet drove right through the street below and a corresponding jet of water thrust up from the street, above the building they were in. Nanashi looked at the jet, a blank look on her face, as Orochimaru hooked his arm around the pole and let go with his tongue.  
"Well, there goes the water main."  
Kai looked out and hissed as a drop of water hit her full in the face. She jumped away just in time as Zabuza, soaking wet and having run up the side of the building, tackled Nanashi--and Orochimaru, too, but on accident--back into the room. Kai meowed. Hiei nodded.  
"Yep. Definantly time to leave."  
Rem stared at Nanashi and Zabuza wrestle on the floor. ((Well, Zabuza was wrestling; Nanashi was biting.)) Orochimaru brushed off his sleeve.  
"Good thing you're not too bitchy like that."  
Rem kicked him out the window. Orochimaru latched his tongue onto the pole again. Rem grinned evilly and shook a can of curry powder above him. He paled.  
"No!!!"  
Rem smiled cutely and overturned the bottle.

Poor Orochimaru.


	11. Chapter 3 part 4

Chapter 3 part 4

Kai's Return!

Disclaimer: We do not own any of the animes in this story. ((Kai: You don't have to put disclaimers! We put one at the beginning!!))

Now, then…I wanted to hop right into EuroDisney, but we need Kai to return to normal before we can get to that. Now, then, for those of you who have seen Tokyo Mew Mew, this may seem somewhat familiar. Oh, and don't even THINK Mew Mew Power, otherwise I will haunt you until you see the error of your ways. And I may still haunt you after that. It's an abomination of a show. ((Mew Mew Power needs to DIE.))

* * *

Nanashi laid comfortably in her bed, listening to her iPod. She ignored everything around her in exchange for techno peace. Zabuza was in a corner, lamenting the loss of his sword, and Orochimaru was drowning himself under the sink faucet. Rem was humming to herself, absently playing with the melted remnants of their DVD player. Yukina was staring at the wall as Kuwabara talked to her. Sano was reading Icha Icha Violence, which he had stolen from Kakashi. Kai and Hiei were nowhere to be seen, and a squad of funny-looking police cars was mingling outside their window, investigating the leak and the excessive amounts of curry. Nanashi wondered vaguely where Kai and Hiei went off to, but before she could think any more, she fell asleep.

Kai and Hiei had taken full advantage of the commotion to slip off. They were sitting at the top of the Eiffel Tower, waiting. Well, Kai was singing and Hiei was beating his brains out with the hilt of his sword.  
"Meow-meow-meow-meow, meow-meow-meow-meow, meow-meow-meow-meow-MEOW-meow-meow-meow!!"

Hiei was just about to chuck the unfortunate kitty off of her perch when the person they were waiting for showed up.  
"I hope you have a good reason for this," said Koenma in a rather irritated voice. "I don't really think I should be helping the people who murdered my assistant."

"'Never mind that, she had it coming to her. Now, how would you feel if you were stuck like this?'" Hiei translated as Kai let of a string of meows."' don't think I can take Moron-boy trying to pet me anymore. What kind of a lame-ass guy goes gaga over a kitten, anyway?'" Hiei smirked at this. Koenma glared at the two of them.  
"Alright, alright. I'll tell you how to go back to normal. Just don't bother Botan anymore!"  
"'As long as she doesn't bother us.'"

Nanashi growled slightly as she felt someone on the bed next to her. She opened her eyes to see the lights turned off. She sat up, noticing her iPod had crapped out on her yet again, and didn't bother trying to turn it back on. She looked to her left to see…  
"KAI!!!"  
The lights flashed on and Nanashi keeled over backwards and off the bed, covering her eyes and swearing. Rem was about to yell at her when she noticed, too.  
"Kai!! You're back to normal!!"  
"Yeah, yeah…big deal." Kai muttered some curses and liberated the sheets from under Nanashi, who had taken them all with her as she fell. The blonde peeked over the edge of the bed.  
"How did you get back to normal, Kai?" Rem asked, hugging her.  
"I'd…uh…rather not talk about it…"

-enter flashback mode-

"In order to change back to a human from that form, you must be kissed."

10 second silence for effect…

"MROW?!?!?!"  
"Yes, kissed. And it has to be by a member of the opposite sex."  
Kai passed out. The next thing she remembered, Hiei was offering her to Kuwabara. It took her about 2 seconds to regain her footing and comprehend the situation. She reacted.  
She hissed at the bleeding lump that was Kuwabaka. Hiei then looked at the other guys in the room.  
"Anyone?"  
"You couldn't pay me enough." Zabuza said, picking up his towel to take a shower. "Why don't _you_ do it, fuzzball?"  
Hiei bristled. "You're kidding, right?"  
"Nope." Zabuza grinned and closed the bathroom door with a click.  
"Don't look at me," Kakashi said, digging through his bag for his Icha Icha Violence, unaware that Sano was reading it. "Has anyone seen my book?"  
"Which one?" Sano asked, flipping a page nonchalantly.  
"I doubt you'll find any luck here, Hiei," Orochimaru said, looking away from the fight that had ensued between Sano and Kakashi. (("Gimme back my book!" "After I finish it!"))  
Hiei glared at the lot of them to no avail. He swallowed and looked at Kai. "Well…you ARE just a cat…"

-end flashback mode-

Kai grinned uneasily. "But, at least I'm back, ne? I still have this weird craving for shrimp, though. But now I want sweet snow."  
Rem let go of her and hopped around the room, chanting "Kai's back! Kai's back! Kai's back!" Kai threw her pillow at her.  
"Can it, onna. It's no big deal."  
Nanashi, who had been waiting for the perfect moment, pounced. She tackled Kai and the momentum carried the two of them to the next bed. "No, it isn't!" she squealed giving Kai a noogie from hell. "Kai isn't a kitty anymore!!"  
"And what's wrong with cats?" Kai asked in a sinister voice after she had miraculously escaped one of the blondes infamous headlocks.  
"Cats are evil and bipolar," Nanashi said, ignoring her tone. Kai's ears flattened. She attacked.

Zabuza groaned and pushed his pillow over his head. "Goddamnit! Can't they stay quiet?!"  
Sano closed the book, having finished it. He threw it at Kakashi's head, which it bounced off of. "Here, have your book back. That was the biggest waste of a day I've ever spent." He laid back on the floor. "Well, Kai's just turned back, so I can only expect them to be excited."  
"Still..." He groaned and resisted the urge to yell at them, lest he sound like an old woman. "I wish they'd be quiet."  
"I know!" Kuwabara said his annoying voice. "It's so hard to sleep."  
Zabuza stared at him for a few seconds with an undecipherable expression before he threw a spare pillow at him with so much force that the idiot was forced into the wall. "I've changed my mind." He flopped over on his side. "It's suddenly become much easier to sleep."


	12. Chapter 4 part 1

Chapter 4, part 1

Of Bodysnatching and Feminine Problems

Now, then!! This is what I've been wanting to do for a loooong time. However, to solve any confusion, I have to spoil it at the beginning, because I am NOT explaining things in the actual chapter. For any men in the audience who get iffy about the workings of the female body, too bad.

Now then, the body switching goes like this:

Kai-Hiei  
Rem-Kakashi  
Nanashi-Zabuza  
Yukina-Kuwabara  
Sano-Orochimaru ((I know, what's the point? But they HAVE to switch.))

* * *

Nanashi woke up the next morning, sat up, stepped off the bed and...  
SQUISH.  
She tensed up, and decided not to look down. There was a yell that passed the window and a THUMP as someone landed below. She opened the door to see Hiei on the ground.  
"Oy! Having trouble?" She withdrew her head and closed the window, just to have something thrown in her face.  
"At least _dress_, you stupid ninja!"  
She pulled the object away to see Kakashi, staring resolutely at the cieling and Kuwabara hiding his face in a pillow. She looked at the object in her hands, which turned out to be boxers. She looked down. 

An earsplitting scream shattered the silence in Paris, followed by the slamming of a door. Nanashi stared into the mirror, and Zabuza stared back out at her. He resisted the urge to kill herself. She swallowed her indignation.  
Rem, meanwhile, was staring at her hands. She looked over at Kuwabara, who still had his face hidden in the pillow.  
"Is he gone?" His voice was oddly meek.  
"Yukina?"  
"Hai?" Kuwabara looked over at Rem. "Kakashi-san?"  
Rem stiffened. She walked over to the bathroom door and opened it. Zabuza was huddled into a corner, hugging his knees. "Nanashi?"  
"What?" he snapped. Rem facepalmed.  
"Dear lord."

The group was assembled in the girls' room again, except...it wasn't really the girl's room anymore. Kakashi and Rem were staring in disbelief at eachother, Yukina and Kuwabara, Kai and Hiei, and Nanashi and Zabuza. Orochimaru and Sano were standing next to eachother, a disgusted look on eachothers' faces.  
"I'm turning myself on," Kakashi complained from inside Rem's body. Rem, from inside kakashi's body hit her.  
"Don't even _think_ about it!!"  
"Rem," Nanashi said rather boredly from insidee Zabuza, "you just hit yourself, do you know that?"  
"Ah...oh yeah..." Rem looked confused.  
"This is too confusing," Zabuza said. "We're all in eachother's bodies...and this is is not only confusing but _wrong_ on _so many_ levels."  
"You're telling me?!" Kai said from Hiei's body. "I'm even shorter!"  
"Don't complain, moron!"  
"Why am I looking at myself?" Kuwabara asked from Yukina's body. Everyone else ignored her as a sqabble started up.  
"My tongue is so normal..." Orochimaru, stuck in Sano's body, was lamenting the loss of his snakey-ness. Sano was even paler.  
"I do not want to even describe what this feels like."  
"Okay!" Nanashi said, overestimating her strenght and sending Zabuza across the room as she spread her hands to call fro silence. "oops, sorry, Zabuza. Anyway, we need some sort of way to distinguish eachother so we don't get confused!!"  
Five minutes later, everyone had a sticky-note pasted to their foreheads with the names of the people inside of them on it. Hiei took his off of Kai's head. "I don't see the point."  
Nanashi shrugged. "There's no point to any of this. But," she pointed out the window. "We should continue on our quest!!"  
"What quest?" Rem asked, irritated beyond all belief. It was a rather weird sensation to see Kakashi genuinely angry. Nanashi shrugged, her laidback expression foriegn on Zabuza's face, as well.  
"To EuroDisney."

-later...much later...-

All of them poured out of the cars, having finally found parking spaces in EuroDisney.  
"I am NEVER driving in Paris again!" Nanashi swore, slamming the ruined door of the Jag so hard it fell off. "The french are such rude drivers!"  
Zabuza got out as well, holding herself up with the car, looking incredibly pale. Nanashi looked at her.  
"Are you alright?" Rem asked, handing a book to Kakashi reluctantly.  
"Yeah, I'm fine."  
"No, you're not," Nanashi said, handing a box to her.  
Zabzua looked at it. "Midol?"  
Nanashi, Rem, and Kai all nodded. "It'll help," they all said in unison. "Oh!" Nanashi also handed another box to Zabzua.  
She turned red and resisted the urge to scream. "And what am I supposed to do with these?" She tried to keep her voice steady and failed. Nanashi picked her up and deposited her in front of the bathrooms.  
"There are directions in the box. Have fun!" He scampered off with a grin, leaving a fuming and highly-embarrassed Zabuza in front of the bathroom. She wnet into the bathroom, joined soon by Hiei and Kakashi.  
"What the hell's wrong with you?"  
"The same thing," Kakashi said, running into a stall to puke. "God!"  
Hiei grinned. It was odd that Kai's and Hiei's expressions were the same, so there was pretty much no difference between the two. "Heh, passed your pain threshold already?" Zabuza groaned.  
"Kai has a much higher pain resistance than either of these two."

"I wonder how those three are doing...?" Yukina asked. Yukina's body was the only one that _didn't_ start its courses. Kuwabara had a clueless look on her face.  
"What's wrong with them?"  
Nanashi resisted the urge to punch her, as he didn't want to damage Yukina's body, lest Hiei kill him.  
The three "girls" joined them sometime later. Zabuza punched Nanashi. "Damn you!"  
"What? How is it _my_ fault?! It's no fun for me, either!"  
"It's your damn body! You should do something about it!"  
"What am I supposed to do?"  
"SHUT THE F-CKING HELL UP!!" Kakashi shouted. Everyone froze and stared at her.  
"Are you okay, Kakashi-san?" Yukina asked.  
"It's the estrogen," Rem concluded. "He can't handle it."  
"Ah, so that's why I have this strange urge to kill something!" Nanashi said.  
"Just shut up, Nana." Kai glared at all of them.  
"Ohohohohohohohohohohohohoho! So you are all having problems!" An annoying voice appeared above them. They all looked up to see Botan with bandages all around her head and a slightly insane look on her face.  
"So you're the cause of all this?" Kuwabara said.  
"No shit, Sherlock," Kai, Nanashi, and Rem said all at once, once again holding back the urge to punch her.  
"Bingo!! And you'll never turn back to normal unless you can catch...THE JUMP CARD!!"  
As she said that, a pink, bunny-looking thing appeared above their heads, and bounced off of Orochimaru's head ((he was the tallest)) and disappeared into the park.  
"Oh, hell no!" Nanashi said indignantly. "There is _no f-cking way_ I am dressing in a frolly dress and chasing a damned card around with a f-cking wand!!"  
"Good," Zabuza shot back, "because you'd be doing that in _my body_."  
"Nope, all you have to do it catch it, and you'll be turned back to normal." Botan disappeared.  
Everybody looked at eachother and at the same time voiced the collective thought.  
"Fuck."


	13. Chapter 4 part 2

Chapter 4, part 2

Of Gender Identity and Ninja Abilities

Now, then...If none of you out there know what "gender identity" is, it is basically how you see yourself. Most girls see themselves as girls, and most guys see themselves as guys. However, some people--mostly gays or bi's--may see themselves as the opposite gender. Basically, most everyone is having an identity crisis, including the author. This chapter is long because I wanted to get the body switching DONE so I didn't have to write another chapter like this.

Once again, the switches:  
Kai-Hiei  
Rem-Kakashi  
Nanashi-Zabuza  
Yukina-Kuwabara  
Sano-Orochimaru

* * *

The all had payed and gotten into the park with very little trouble. They passed some walkie-talkies around and decided to split up, staying in their body-switch groups. So, Nanashi and Zabuza went towards Frontier Land, Kai and Hiei went towards Adventure Land, Rem and Kakashi went towards Main Street, Yukina and Kuwabara went towards Fantasy Land, and Orochimaru and Sano to Discovery Land. Before the split up, the conversation went something like this: 

"Okay, it would probably be faster finding the damned rabbit if we split up," Kai said, unfolding a map. "Now, then, Nanashi, Zabuza, you go here--"  
"Whaaat?" Nanashi said indignantly. "I want to go to Discoveryland!" Zabuza stared at "him."  
"That is the weirdest thing to ever come out of my mouth."  
"Orly?"  
"Yarly."  
Rem facepalmed. "Nana, Zabuza, you two are lowering my IQ on the spot. Stop talking in chatspeak."  
Nanashi grinned but bit back the obvious reply. Kai ignored them and continued delegating areas.  
"Orochimaru, Sano, _you _go to Discoveryland." He smirked, showing that he did it just to piss Nanashi off.  
"Kai, you bastard."

Now they were all moving toward their destinations, looking around for something interesting to do. They all had the mission on their minds, but it was set on the back burner in exchange for rollercoasters and the like. Nanashi was trudging along towards frontier hell, kicking an empty soda can. Zabuza twitched at every clang.  
"Will you knock it off!?" She snapped, once again letting foriegn chemicals take over. "I'm getting a fucking headache!"  
An amercan lady ushered her kids away as a fight broke out between the two of them.  
"You have no fucking idea--"  
"No idea?! _No idea!? _That's my goddamn body! _You_ have no idea!""  
"Just shut the hell up!" Zabuza ran off. Nanashi started punching his forhead.  
"Goddamnit, sonuvagoddamnmotherfuckingbitch!" He ran after her.

Kai turned his head as he heard the argument coming from behind them. Hiei was happily pointing out ice cream flavors for a harrassed ice cream man.  
"Stracciatella, Melon, Banana, Cafe Macchiato..."  
Kai pulled a face at the horrible conglomerate of flavors. He bit back the gag reflex and wondered vaguely what happened. Hiei got her ice cream ((A/N: An enormous pie-pan of around 23 flavors)) and continued happily along her way as Kai payed the man ((around 15 euro, to Kai's chagrin)) and followed.  
_Dear god,_ He thought, _when will this day be over?_  
"Ow!" He looked up as the Jump Card hopped of his head and continued on its merry way. He was about to follow when Hiei grabbed his arm and pointed at a ride.  
"Can we go on that?"  
Groan.

Rem and Kakashi weren't faring much better. The two of them walked down the path, emminating an air of extreme stress. The two of them really didn't care for one another, and it didn't help that Kakashi was going through a mid-month crisis, and Rem was...well...feeling a powerful urge to kill something.  
"You learn to control that," Kakashi said, trudging along beside Rem.  
"Gah! I can't take it anymore!" He took the opportunity to kill a misplaced cockroach. "Die, vermin!!" Kakashi facepalmed.  
"Of all the ninja capabilities, you decide to kill a cockroach."  
"But they're hard to kill! You step on them and step on them and they don't die! Ach! There he goes!" He pounced after the half-dead roach. Kakashi sighed and decided to follow.

"Zabuza," Nanashi called up the line to the water log ride. "Can you quit being mad at me now? You're not functioning as yourself."  
She didn't turn. Nanashi threw huge multitudes of swearwords into the vaults of his mind and started shoving through people. "'Scuse me...pardon...coming through..." He got up the the...um...former ninja? and put a hand on her shoulder.  
((Kai: Waitaminute! This is getting excessively confusing!!  
Nana: Ya think?! I'm doing the best I bloody can! It's hard when girls switch bodies with guys!! Now go away! -throws shrimp-  
Kai: Yeeeee! -pounces-))  
"Damnit, don't run away! What happens if we get lost?"  
Zabuza looked up at him...((Nanashi: -headdesk- god! confusing!!))...and stuck her tongue out. "Bleh, not my problem."  
Nanashi resisted the urge to hurt her, lest she destroy her own body. He trudged along behind until they reached the front of the line. He perked up considerably.  
"Coool! A log ride!"  
Zabuza shot back an evil glare as the two of them got into their log and headed away. They went around a few curves and hit the pull-belt that started bringing them to the top of the big slide.  
"I hate this..."  
"Why?"  
"I don't like the way it goes down a slope fast as all hell then slams to a halt."  
"Sissy. You just don't want to get wet. And it does not '_slam_'"  
"Oh, shut up."

Meanwhile, Kai was muttering about Hiei's odd behavior. She was currently hopping around the place, asking people if they had daisies. He cursed himself, and was glad no one had a camcorder around.

Rem and Kakashi were faring much better. The two of them were munching on some burgers as they waited for some sign of the jump card.  
"I wonder how everyone else is," Kakashi wondered.  
"Maybe we should check?"  
"That sounds like a good idea."  
The two of them got up and headed off.

"Calm down, damnit," Nanashi said. "It's just a bloody log ride."  
Zabuza twitched and sank down into the log. "For some reason I'm really mad at you."  
"You learn to control that," Nanashi said calmly. "Ah! Hold on." The log tipped slightly  
"Oh shi----!!!"

Rem sighed as they reached a large building. "I wonder what's in here," he muttered. He looked over at Kakashi. "What are you doing?"  
"I think we're lost."  
"Nonsense. I know exactly where we are."  
"Where?"  
"Right over the center of the earth."  
"Ha-ha. Now help me find out where we are."  
"Ah. The Armadillo."  
"The who-ha?"  
"The Armadillo. The drilling machine from _Armageddon_?"  
"Ooooooh. Crappy movie."

The log tipped over the edge and plummeted down into the pool below. Zabuza gripped both sides of the log spasmodically. Nanashi laughed. They hit the water and slowed down. Nanashi was about to make fun of Zabuza when something pink and fluffy bounced off his head.  
"Whatthe--!?" He looked over after the object and stood up, pointing at it. "JUMP CARD!!" He grabbed Zabuza leaped after the card.

Kai sighed irritably as Hiei squee'd as the carosel went around again. He glared at a kid staring at him and was forced to the ground as a pink something bounced off his head and rolled away just in time to avoid being squished by the combined weight of Nanashi and Zabuza as they leaped after the rabbit. Kai swore and literally flew to the carosel and ripped Hiei off her horse and forced to pursue the blasted rodent.

Orochimaru and Sano had eventually made their way to the Armadillo compound. They sidled up to Rem and Kakashi and waved boredly.  
"Any luck?" Sano asked.  
"Not really," Rem replied, looking over the map with Kakashi. "You?"  
Orochimaru shook his head. Kakashi raised an eyebrow. Orochimaru went into a set of complicated hand gestures.  
"He can't talk with a normal-person tongue," Sano said. Rem noticed a slight slur. "I can barely talk with a freak tongue."  
"OUTTATHEWAY!! OPEN THE DAMNED DOOR!!"  
Everyone looked towards the shout and reacted immediately. They tore open the warehouse door and the Jump Card went right in. Nanashi, Zabuza, Kai, and Hiei followed, propelled by their own momentum. Everyone else joined.

Meanwhile, Kuwabara was searching for Yukina.  
"Yuuukiiiinaaaa! Where are youuuu?" Somehow the unpleasant nasal sound had leeched into her voice. Yukina twitched from behind the trash can he was hiding behind.  
"Damn, go away..." Yukina thought, pulling a face. A few people stared at him and walked away quickly.  
"_Yukina!_" He jumped as the thought entered his head. It was Kai. "_We have the Jump Card cornered! Hurry here!_" Images flashed into his head and he knew precisely where to go. He leaped out from behind the trashcan, snapped on some rubber gloves and grabbed Kuwabara. "The first thing I'm doing when I get my body back is taking a long, scalding shower," he thought.

"Hiei! To you!"  
The Jump Card eluded Nanashi's hands and leaped off his head and towards Hiei.  
"Got it---!" The card jumped off her face and back towards Nanashi. He leaped after it with ninja-prowess.  
"Nearly----!" He grabbed the tail of the the rabbit, which squeaked as they both fell to the ground. Nanashi now looked around the room and grinned. "We got it!!" He held it up triumphantly, and posed for a photo from Rem like a fisherman with his catch. Botan appeared above them.  
"So, you all caught it!! I guess I can keep my end of the bargain, but don't think this is the last you'll hear of me!"  
In a roar of rage, Nanashi flung the unfortunate rodent at the girl, only to have them both disappear before it hit.  
-Insert an incredibly weird sensation here.-  
Rem blinked. She looked down at her hands. She grinned and jumped into the air happily. "Yaaaaaay! I'm a girl again! No more weird homicidal impulses!! Now they're just my own!!"  
Nanashi and Zabuza were looking around the room. Nanashi grinned. She put on a weird, hairy half-jacket and a messy, long brown wig and broke into song.  
"_I don't wanna close my eeyyyyyees, I don't want to fall asleep, 'cause I miss you, baby, and I don't wanna miss a thing! 'Cause even when I dream of yooooouuuuu---_" Kai threw her boot at her.  
"What the hell are you doing?!"  
"It's Aerosmith! I couldn't do it in Zabuza's body because he can't really pull off Aerosmith. His voice is too deep."  
Kai stared at her, ignoring Sano and Orochimaru celebrating the return of their own tongues.  
"You've never seen the Armageddon music video? He's wearing this _god-awful_ coat made of like, bear fur. Oh, come _on_, Kai," she said, seeing the exasperated look on the girl's face, "like I could resist!"  
"I know."  
Sirens started up somewhere in the park as Yukina and Kuwabara entered. Kakashi groaned.  
"Why do we always wind up in legal trouble?"


	14. Chapter 4 part 3

Chapter 4, part 3

Of Super Glue, Machine Guns, and Invasions

Okay, another chapter, not that anyone even cares. IF ANYONE IS READING THIS FANFIC, PLEASE REVIEW! It makes me feel unnoticed. I hate that feeling.

* * *

Zabuza fiddled with the skull-surmounted gearshift. There were nothing but knobs and levers in the cockpit of the Armadillo. It was annoying. It didn't help that they were traversing the autobahn at about 70 klicks, followed by a quarter of a million Polizei, and stuck behind a line of tanker trucks.  
"Gaaaaaaaaaaah! Hurry up, you stupid--!" Zabuza kicked a lever accidentally, which sent the drilling arm advancing menacingly forward. He blinked. He grinned maliciously. 

"Do you think they're going to be okay?" Orochimaru asked, looking through the back window at the line of tanker trucks. The Armadillo was too large to pass on the two-lane autobahn, so the Camaro was comfortably ahead of the mass of police. "Zabuza isn't exactly a level-headed driver."  
"Eh, Nana'll keep him in line," Kai muttered. Sano slammed on the brakes in the middle of the passing lane. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING----?!!!!!"  
"Kai, saying that Nanashi will keep Zabuza from freaking is like saying a two-year-old won't steal cookies," Sano said, driving next to the Armadillo.  
Inevitably, Zabuza and Nanashi were fiddling with something in the cockpit while being yelled at by Rem. The drilling arm was flailing about wildly, spewing mud over the road, sending some Polizei cars skidding off into the hills beside the road. Kai stared out the window in horror as the drill bit cut into the tanker truck in front of them and blue-white liquid spewed out of the gash. Kai closed her eyes and took a deep calming breath and nearly suffocated on gasoline fumes. The drilling arm swung like a golf club from hell and knocked the tanker truck clean off the road, gas spewing everywere.  
Zabuza hit the windshield wipers and attempted to zero in on the far-too-close Polizei car behind them through the side-view mirror with the drill bit. Rem threw her book at the back of his head.  
"Stupid Ninja!"  
"Damnit, quit throwing shit at me!" Zabuza turned in his seat to yell at her just to get a McDonald's cup in the face.  
"Keep your eyes on the road!"  
"Ooooh! Press that button!" Nanashi squealed, pointing to a red button on top of what looked like a fighter jet joystick which was situated above Zabuza's left knee.  
"No!"  
"Do it!"  
"Gaaaah! Don't just reach over there!"  
"Oh, shut up and get your mind out of the goddamn gutter and push the bloody button!!"  
Kakashi facepalmed. "Dear lord you are all stupid."  
RATTATTATTATTATTA--BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM.  
Silence, except for the flickering of flames and the grinding of steel against asphalt and the bouncing of the tires over twisted metal. Everyone stared out the window at the swath of carnage before them. Nanashi and Zabuza looked at eachother in shock, then both of them got identical sadistic grins.  
Kai, meanwhile, was beside herself. "A MACHINE GUN? WHO THE HELL KEEPS A LOADED MACHINE GUN IN AN AMUSEMENT PARK---?!"  
"Kai, can you please stop yelling? My ear is about to come off," Orochimaru muttered, digging a finger vigorously into his ear.

Meanwhile, in outer space, an alien race was descending upon earth. Their tear-shaped survival pods dove through the atmostphere. Streams of fire launched out behind them as they ripped through the air and drove into the ground. The pods connected into the hidden ships beneath the earth and the systems engaged. Three arms ripped out of the ground and pushed a central triangular pod up into the sky to a height of about...three inches.  
Yes, three inches.  
Tinny, high-pitched screams punctuated the air on the autobahn as the Armadillo flattened an entire race, bringing a whole species to extiction.  
"Do you hear something?" Nanashi asked Kakashi, who was beating his head against a spare pipe.  
"No. Just a ringing in my ears."  
"Well, I hear a high-pitched squealing, like a lot of small beings being flattened into itty bitty alien pancakes." She clapped her hands over her ears, a grimace on her face.  
"'Beings being flattened?'"  
"Don't make fun of my word choice, ninja. Oh, and don't--"  
RATTATTATTATTATTATTAT.  
"--shoot that tanker."  
"Ooops."  
A viscous, yellowish liquid oozed from the destroyed tanker and spread over the road like hellish snot. The wheels of the cars became coated in the substance before the goo hardened, catching the tires of the Camaro, the Armadillo, and the few thousand polizei behind them.  
"What the hell is this?" Zabuza half-shouted, giving the accelerator one last spiteful kick.  
"It's super glue," Nanashi said, facepalming.  
"That's it!" Hiei roared from the back. He punched off the hatch on the top and hauled himself out. "I have been stuck in a rolling deathtrap with idiots for far too long! I am not going to have anything to--to--uhm..." He stopped as, above him, an enormous tripod rose above them, pulled right out of War of the Worlds and stuck in front of them. Hiei sighed, retrieved the hatch, went back inside, and replaced the door. "There's a giant alien machine outside that wants to devour our blood."  
Nanashi looked up from beating Zabuza's head in with the gearshift and blinked. "A tripod?"  
"Yep."  
"_Alien, this is Predator, come in Alien._" The neglected radio crackled with dust as Yukina's voice came through.  
"Ah, Yukina-chan! How are things over there?" Rem asked.  
"_Uhm, have you guys looked outside yet? Over?_"  
"No, not yet. Nana, look outside."  
"Jawohl!" The blonde saluted and opened the destroyed hatch. "Frau Kommandant! There is a very large mechanical something outside, and I want it!"  
"Then go fetch."  
"Woof!" She launched herself outside. Zabuza facepalmed.  
"She's going to die."  
"_Rem, was that Nana just now?_" Kai's voice crackled over the radio, her irritation obvious.  
"Yes. Apparently she's pursuing a career in extraterrestrial auto sale."  
"_I hate car salesmen!_" Nana's voice chirped over the radio. A sharp squealing was eminating from the background, which was quickly cut off. "_They're really annoying._"  
"Nana, do you have our new transportation yet?"  
"_Yep! C'mon up!_"  
A rope ladder fell from the base of the tripod down to the ground. Everyone grabbed their luggage and converged on the rope as the Polizei abandoned their cars and tried to arrest them.  
"Pull up the damned ladder!" Zabuza yelled. The rope obediently retracted, pulling the lot of them up into the interior of the alien craft. Sano started whistling the X-Files theme song as the door slid shut behind them.

TO NEXT


End file.
